


the worst

by saintjoy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Blow Jobs, Car Sex, Clubbing, Drunk Sex, Hanamaki is the best friend, Hanamaki is the real wingman here, M/M, Riding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 07:08:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4050862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintjoy/pseuds/saintjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh, fuck, you're not Mattsun," he chuckled, running his fingers through his head of sweaty hair. "Shit, sorry man, didn't mean to–"<br/>"Don't worry about it." Iwaizumi blinked to get the blurriness out of his eyes and found <i>one attractive piece of man meat</i> sitting next to him, cupping his chin in his hand. He stuttered, clutching onto his empty shot glass like it'd keep him from falling off the stool. "Tooru. You?"<br/>"Hot," he replied, his lips moving faster than his brain. "Uh, Hajime. You're hot. I'm Hajime."</p><p> </p><p>  <i>(Written for the SASO 2015 br 1)</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	the worst

Iwaizumi wasn't the type of guy that just went out to clubs every Friday night to grind against strangers and get shitfaced, but it was his 21st birthday. And his 21st birthday, his friends assured him, was a rite of passage into the adult world. It was a baptism by fire, they said. It was their duty, they said, to get him utterly wasted and, possibly, laid harder than he'd ever been laid before.

Iwaizumi was certain it was just their usual dumb bullshit, since tacked onto their invite were a few disparaging remarks about how he should get that stick up his ass checked out, et cetera. 

The first round of shots hit him like a hammer. He recoiled at the sharp aftertaste and coughed. Hanamaki laughed at how he was tearing up from the sting, and Iwaizumi kicked his stool out from underneath him in response. The second round of shots went better, since Matsukawa ordered them a plate of French fries so Iwaizumi could mask the taste in salty potato-y goodness. By the time he had his third shot, he started to wonder who was planning on paying for this, anyway. He hoped it wasn't him, since it was  _his_  birthday, after all. His fourth shot made him forget that it was his birthday in the first place.

Iwaizumi wiped his eyes as the beat of the music throbbed in his ears. He didn't know where his friends went, a fact he only discovered when he turned to the person in the stool next to him and didn't recognize the face that greeted him. To his unfortunate luck, he'd already leaned his head against the stranger's shoulder and wrapped an arm around his back.

"Oh, fuck, you're not Mattsun," he chuckled, running his fingers through his head of sweaty hair. "Shit, sorry man, didn't mean to–"  
"Don't worry about it." Iwaizumi blinked to get the blurriness out of his eyes and found  _one attractive piece of man meat_  sitting next to him, cupping his chin in his hand. He stuttered, clutching onto his empty shot glass like it'd keep him from falling off the stool. "Tooru. You?"  
"Hot," he replied, his lips moving faster than his brain. "Uh, Hajime. You're hot. I'm Hajime."

Tooru laughed at Iwaizumi's befuddled attempt at conversation and next thing Iwaizumi knew, he had an arm around his waist and his shot glass went missing.  _Where did it go?_  The idea distressed him until Tooru spoke again.

"Wanna dance, Hajime?"  
  
Iwaizumi said yes so fast that he forgot he'd even responded until he found himself on the dance floor, surrounded by hundreds of moving bodies all jumping to the same beat. In the background, he registered his friends' voices, all cheering him on with wolf whistles and "You  _get it_ , baby!"s. He wondered if they'd even brought a designated driver. How was he gonna get home? Was he going home with Hottie? Hottie... fuck, what was his name. Tooru, right. Hottie Tooru. 

He lost his train of thought when the beat dropped and Tooru pressed his hips against his crotch. The music drummed through his body in long wavelengths that strung him up and resonated in his bones. Iwaizumi closed his eyes and threw his hands in the air, and soon enough hands were traveling down his chest and plucking the waist of his jeans and  _oh boy he was not gonna get his dick sucked in the middle of the dance floor,_  oh, no.  
  
"Let's–" Iwaizumi swallowed, still tasting the salty French fries in his mouth. He kneaded his hands in Tooru's hair as Tooru licked up his neck and nibbled at the lobe of his ear.

"–find somewhere more private?" Tooru finished for him.

He gave an urgent nod of approval, and Tooru tugged him out of the club. 

  
Iwaizumi got a text as Tooru was searching for his keys.  
  
花巻

> i saw u leave with that guy  
> u ok  
  


He nodded, even though Hanamaki was nowhere to be found.  
  
岩泉

> yes  
> he's hot  
  
花巻

> r u gonna bang him  
  
岩泉

> i think??  
> i wanna n i think he wanna  
  
花巻

> use a condom  
> i put 2 in ur shirt pocket whn u werent lookin  
> i know u r drunk so b safe   
> call if u need m

  
The cool night air and Hanamaki's consideration served to sober up Iwaizumi enough to get a handle on what he was doing before Tooru called to him.

  
"You coming?"

  
Iwaizumi climbed into the passenger's seat before realizing that Tooru was in the backseat. He turned around and Tooru met him with a passionate kiss, complete with messy tongue and alcohol-scented breath. Instead of climbing through the space between the front seats, Iwaizumi jumped out of the passenger's door and crawled back in through the back door on the same side. Tooru was on his back, his arms outstretched and his legs parted, leaving a perfect Iwaizumi-sized space in which for him to fit. He threaded his fingers through Tooru's hair again and ground his knee into his crotch, and Tooru muttered something like, "Who do you take me for, I'm not an idiot who'd drive under the influence, we're sleeping in the car tonight, baby," under his breath.

His shirt disappeared at some point and Tooru's tongue was around his nipple, then his  _teeth_  were around his nipple and Iwaizumi thrusted against his hips in a desperate attempt to get some stimulation, but Tooru seemed intent on teasing him and rubbing his ass instead of getting his hands down his pants.  
  
And then Tooru pushed him into a sitting position against the car door and yanked down his jeans and boxers to the middle of his thighs. Tooru was about to start sucking him dry when Iwaizumi pushed his head away.  
  
"What? You don't wanna?" His voice was whiny, but hinted at concern.

"Condom." Iwaizumi shook his hands. "My shirt. Where...?"

"Oh." Tooru lifted himself on his knees and conjured his shirt from nowhere.  _What, did he pull it out of his ass?_  The mere thought sent Iwaizumi into a fit of incomprehensible giggles. "What? What're you laughing about?"

"Did, did you," Iwaizumi snorted, "did you pull, pull the shirt out of your  _ass,_  or something?"

"What the...," Tooru covered his face with the shirt as his chest heaved in laughter. "What the  _fuck_  kind of thought is that?"

"Idon'tknowIjust. Thought of it?" Iwaizumi shook as he grabbed the shirt from Tooru's hands and fished around for the condoms Hanamaki mentioned. Sure enough, there they were.  _God bless you, Hanamaki. True team player._  "Here, take."  
  
Tooru ripped open the package and slipped the condom over Iwaizumi's erection before any more stupid comments could arise. Then his mouth was around his cock, and Iwaizumi lost his mind.

  
_"Fuck,_  that's good," he moaned, throwing his head back. The windows of the car had started to get foggy from their heated breaths. "Suck me harder, harder, baby." He dragged his nails up Tooru's bare back – when had he taken off his shirt, come to think of it? – and bucked his hips into his mouth. Gag reflexes, what were those? His chest heaved with every breath he took, but just as his toes curled into tight balls and he dug his fingers into Tooru's shoulders, the sensation stopped. He almost asked what was the holdup, until Tooru wiggled off his pants and underwear and spat into his hand.  
  
"Are you, gonna."

"Yeah, gorgeous," came Tooru's sweet croon. "I'm gonna ride you hard."  


  


* * *

  
  
Iwaizumi awoke the next morning with a blazing headache, wedged against someone he didn't recognize. He was naked from the waist down, but his boxers just barely covered his shame. He sat up and surveyed his surroundings. Car. Morning. Tied-up condoms on the floor. Shirt also on the floor. Naked lover wedged against the car seat.  _Shit._  He got with someone  _this hot?_  
  
Then his lover blinked awake and aimed him a tired look. "Hey. Drive us to a coffee place, Hajime."  _Tooru,_  that was his name. Tooru tossed him a set of keys that appeared from nowhere, and they hit Iwaizumi in the face. "Pfft. Way to go with that one, dummy."

Iwaizumi stared down at the car keys, then up at the controls in the front seat. "I can't drive manual."

"What." Tooru arose with a groan, his back creaking in protest. " _Geeeeeeez,_  you get into bed – backseat, rather – with a cute guy from the club and you won't even drive him home?  _Rude._ "

Oh,  _god._  Iwaizumi wasn't even five minutes into his first day of being twenty-one, and he'd already banged an annoying  _asshole._  

  
His phone buzzed in his pocket.

  
花巻

> yo  
> howd it go  
  
岩泉

> He's the worst.  
> The absolute worst.  
> I can already tell.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt by [dreamyproject](http://dreamyproject.dreamwidth.org/).
> 
> " _The wooOOooOOooooooOOoorst_ ♫ ~~s~~ he's the worst. In the world." - [Jean-Ralphio Saperstein](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTNfPdqxuC8), Parks and Recreation.
> 
> Alternate title: Hanamaki shows he's a true team player.


End file.
